ME, MYSELF AND I

UNDERNEATH YOUR SKIN

Last week I was told that we could start over again. I doubted, for the first time in a long while, I doubted .If you are wondering why I did so,  the question comes too easy. I wasn’t sure whether or not I would be able to do it.

I tried to wrap my mind around one question: Is it possible to have a new-fresh start, if it is already over?

Confident though I had been, I questionned if it would be possible to re-start again, for the last time.

I mean, you can forgive, and even forget, but does your self-conscious  do the same?

Whereas we are reinventing ourselves after each moment that strikes us and create full-brigther horizons of oportunities, our regrets, and wishes, our failures and success, those things lie somewhere in our inner.

It doesn’t mean you cannot change, because you really do. Neither, does it mean that you cannot evolve. Indeed, personal evolution comes after having got through some troubled situation.

Then, what it really means  it is that you become aware of the potential risks, so that you build what it is popularly so-called a shell. A big space which none can enter into, none can get close to you, and where none will be allowed to cross unless he shows he is worth it.

But still, the promise has been made. “Yes, we can start over”. ” “This time will be different“. You even try to convince yourself about your own words.. However, you know that things will never be the same. That you are not the person you used to be anymore, because your trust is lost and so does your faith.

I believe that sometimes we say what the other needs to listen to, although we are perfectly aware that it is not true.

Even though it is said to be unfair, it is sometimes the only way left to protect people, both you and the others.

PD: I did my best. I believed in it as long as I could.

BAJO LA PIEL

La semana pasada alguien me dijo que se puede re-empezar de nuevo. Dudé y todavía lo hago. Por primera vez en mucho tiempo, dudo. Si os estáis preguntando por qué. La pregunta es demasiado fácil. Ni estaba, ni estoy segura de si yo sería capaz de hacerlo. Desde entonces una idea no dejar de rondarme la cabeza ¿es posible tener un nuevo comienzo si algo está más que acabado? ¿Se puede empezar de 0, aunque la cuenta empiece en negativo?

Aunque con seguridad sé cuál es mi respuesta, me pregunto si se puede re-empezar otra vez, por última vez. Quiero decir, se puede perdonar, e incluso olvidar, pero ¿olvida también el subconsciente?

Mientras nosotros nos estamos reinventando después de cada instante que nos golpea, y estamos creando horizantes brillantes llenos de oportunidades, nuestros pesares y nuestros deseos, nuestros fracasos y éxitos, ellos permanecen en algún lugar bajo la piel. Esto no significa que no podemos cambiar, porque claro que podemos. Tampoco indica que no puedas evolucionar. De hecho, el crecimiento personal se produce tras haber superado situaciones de vida críticas. Así, cuando eres consciente de los riesgos potenciales construyes un refugio dónde cobijarte. Un gran espacio dónde nadie puede entrar o acercarse. Dónde nadie puede entrar a menos que lo merezca realmente.

Pero aún así, la promesa está hecha. “Sí, volvamos a re-intentarlo” “Esta vez será diferente“. Puede que también os intentéis convencer de vuestras propias palabras. Pero en tu más fuero interno, conoces la verdad. Nada volverá a ser igual. No volverás a ser la persona que eras. Porque tu confianza está perdida y también lo está tu fe.

Creo que a veces simplemente decimos lo que el otro necesita escuchar, aunque somos perfectamente conscientes de que estamos mintiendo. Quizás sea injusto, sin embargo a veces es la única manera para proteger a las personas, no sólo a los otros sino también a nosotros mismos.v

IT IS UP TO ME

One of my best friends has always said to me one quote “Never make someone a priority when they consider you an option”.

A few years ago, it was really hard for me to understand what she meant. However I know now, what she was talking about. She was talking about choices, about commitment and about being worth for someone. For any reason, whatever it comes from.

People like me, we often do things just because of that, as soon as we believe in something, we commit to it.

But, we sometimes are not conscious whether we expect something back or not.

Yet when we do, and when we find no response, how are we supposed to feel?

Feelings like deception or disappointment , are already known for us, and indeed, either of them are an option anymore. The vicious circle from illusion to disillusion is also a know mate for us, so this time is not useful to describe how it feels.

When parents raised us up, they didn’t teach us where the exit door was. The door which leads us in a safe space, where there is no harm, no blacks and whites, where everything is like it should be.

When I was child I thought that my world would be that one. Everything would be ideal for me. I know “ that ‘s quite naïve”.

Twenty eight years later, I wonder just one thing: how many times are gonna trip over the same stone? And how many times do I need to learn how to get through it?

My lovely friend says to me that there is one huge stone.. One else which I have to trip over . And when I do that, I may change my mind.

I believe that my mind is not likely to change. But I feel like it’s me the one who is already changing.

I said before, reoussir ou mourir, “adapt or die”.

The thing is, we may not follow the same way, or we may not keep the same rhythm.

So, are we ready? Are we ready to leave some things or some people behind?

 

ON THE ROAD TO SUCCESS

I often like some songs, or some melodies, for no reason in appearance, but my subconcious, – who is smarter than me- knows that some specific lyrics are clues to answer the questions I had not already made.

That is what it happens to me with this song. I guess it is because i have being taking some decisions lately, and my friends around me, they contribute themselves somehow.
Paradoxically, it is coz it reminds me to a saying I’ve lately listened to :

“No matter what you do, you are faithful to yourself and that’s the way to success”

PD: Y ésta frase no es de nadie, al menos no de nadie que conozcais.

Here is the clip, common song, meaningful lyrics. On this friday morning is a good way to wake up and start smiling.

You don’t know how  worth something is……..until it’s gone”

OCKHAM’S RAZOR

I express myself in english, when I am trying to let it out something that it’s worth for me. So I guess that’s the reason why this post it’s not in my mothertongue.

Have you ever heard about Occam’s razor? Attending to equal conditions, the simplest explanation is most likely the correct one. Last weekend, someone told me about the benefits of using that principle in life. Today, I ‘ve realised that anyone has ever noticed that Ockham’s razor could hurt.

Situations in real life cannot be reduced to mere factors, or variables. They should not be reproduced into a lab either. Even if they would, human beings are much more complex and unpredicitible themselves, which makes it a big mess.

Imagine you have a big dilemma, so that you are forced to take a decision, even if you don’t like it, because your draft plan was completely different, even if you don’t want to, because you already know the consequences. So, under the principle of Occam’s razor, you try to do your best.. but you still feel like shit. Because, that razor doesn’t mind about feelings, or dreams, or hopes.. That razor is just logical.

But where is the logic in life? Does everything have to be logic? I look around and none acts in a 100% logical way..

Fortunately, creativity and innovation exist, because logic has limits.

 

MUSIC AND TIME

Sometimes, you feel like saying something, but you just can’t find the words, and even if you know, you are afraid to someone’s reaction, so you keep your soul caught in the middle. However, Victor Hugo said that music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent.

Creative and inspirational people like me use songs, pentagrams and lyrics to communicate our deepest feelings, our thoughts and our believes.

Today, I was listening on the radio to an old famous song from the band Police. The song is called “Every breath you take” and it remind me to to a time. I still don’t know if it belongs to past, present or future.

Nevertheless, if I would have a genious in a bottle besides me right now, I would just say once sentence:

Serendipity. That is all. I believed once in that, I could do it twice.

 

FAKE CONTROL

Some minutes ago, I have been talking to a friend about externalities in life. He said that it is not possible to control everything that happens around you. I almost agreed with him, except in one thing. In my opinion, control lies within uncertainty.

It is the same way for both.

I mean, uncertainty is a whole-life partner, and we are supposed to get through it above all the rest. So it is control.

It is not possible to take control of everything around us or else we would be gods, or perfect computers instead of unperfect human beings.

However, what we are able to do it is to decide how such things are going to affect us.

Moreover, the point shouldn’t be “how many things we can control”. That it’s a fact and should be assumed. What it is really important, it is which role that feeling of “uncertainty” or “uncontrol”, play in our life.

 

Will you let them beat you or are you willing to keep on fighting?Once you’ve learned that you are just a point in the middle of a unknown universe, you have to make choices.
No matter how many unexpected things we find in life, we will always be the owners of our destiny and we should be glad for it.

 

REMINESCENCE

I said it once. I express myself in English, when I can’t find the words in Spanish. Some people may wonder why. Other people may think that there is no reason to do it.

What can I say? Since I was a child, both music and its lyrics in English language have been like a therapy for me. Thus, I reckon, now that I’ve become an adult I still use this language as a tool to canalize emotions.

Today I’ve gone through a situation and it has been reminiscent. The fact is that, I am not really sure if I want to live that again, neither in this life, nor in other one.

SI. Son MUSE.

Una de las mejores bandas del rock alternativo de ahora. Por su música, por sus actuaciones en directo, por su  capacidad de innovación sin perder su esencia original, por su creatividad, y porqué no decirlo, porque Bellamy is a fucking genius.

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